Dangerous Love
Over the weekend, I watched a movie that was recommended by my cousin. Since there was not much to do on that weekend, I sat down to watch the 2 hours movie. The Telugu movie called 'Mahanati' directed by Nag Ashwin pays homage to the veteran actress Savithri, who was popular on screen in the 50s - 70s. Watching the movie affected me as I identified so much with the character. The emotional abuse in the movie was subtle and easily overlooked.
The story talked about Savithri's childhood, her professional career as an actress, her polygamy relationship with her co-actor, and later her addiction to alcohol. She has been portrayed in many different characters in her movies, but the actual story was behind the scenes. I have heard my grandparents talk about her movies and her marriage to someone who was already a married man. The movie caught my attention as I have always been a strong believer in empowering women. The word empowerment is defined as the "process of becoming stronger and more confident esp in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights".
Although there are many seminars around this topic, I wonder how many of them speak to the psychological aspect of women empowerment. Women like Savithri is a role model for many women. Working in a male-dominated industry, her tenacity to succeed caused her to overcome many challenges in her life. Even with little education, she pushed herself to excel in both language and the arts. This is no easy feat in the era she was in. But her drive made her succeed. Her downfall is what causes many people to fail as well. Being in a wrong relationship is what caused her to spiral and fall into a state of hopelessness. Although this is not gendered specific, I believe women are more prone to emotional outbursts that leave them damaged. From the start of the relationship, I believe that Savithri was led into a lie of deception spun by the husband.
That is how all emotional abuse starts. Predators don't want easy prey, they want something challenging so they can manipulate and control. I believe her strong spirit and not the physical looks that attracted her husband Gemini to her. A lot of women have found their wings to be clipped and are not able to reach their potential because of the wrong relationship in their lives. The longer they stay in the relationship, the harder it becomes to tear away from them. But its a step they need to take to keep their sanity in check.
Based on the movie and my personal experience, here are some of the signs of that I picked up:
1) Walking on eggshells to avoid disappointing your partner
If you are second-guessing yourself and trying to avoid confrontation with your partner, there might be more to your relationship. You have lost control and given your partner the upper hand. You rather give in to the other party out of fear than making a stand for yourself.
2) Saying hurtful things disguised as "jokes"
You sense a touch of sarcasm in their jokes. But when you question your partner, he/she claims they are joking. They might even accuse you of being sensitive. If the jokes are offensive or cause you to feel hurt, you know they have crossed their boundaries.
3)You Partner is Blowing Hot and Cold
Your partner is loving one moment and distant in the next. It is hard to figure their feelings. You start panicking when they withdraw themselves and try hard to get back on their good grace. This turns even an independent person into trying to please the other partner.
4) Your partner refused to acknowledge your strengths and belittles your accomplishments
When your partner is threatened by your success and is unable to handle you, he starts to put you down. This is not a random act but it is intentionally done to target your strengths so your partner can maintain power and control. When you are constantly confronted with hurtful responses, you will start to question your sense of confidence and less trust in your competence.
You can tell how damaging emotional abuse can be to a person. It can drive a sane person to become an emotional wreck. Although many women are aware that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship, they lack the courage to walk away from it. Surround yourself with a strong support system to help you overcome this challenge. Believe in yourself and walk out of this toxic relationship before it can further damage you.
