Learning to deal with emotional triggers

For some people, triggers can be either positive or negative. In my case, the triggers have helped me heal and made me whole again. As I was on my healing journey, I encountered moments when I get overwhelmed. These emotions will creep up on me when I least expect it, and I have no words to describe it. It was a feeling of hopelessness and not being good enough. Nothing I do will ever matter or measure up. That thought compelled me to drive myself harder to feel a sense of worthiness.

Whenever I feel that way, I just wanted to run and hide. I have found myself crying for no reason. At times, I will sleep it off to hide from reality and the pain it was causing me. I felt frustrated with myself and wanted to deal with this. I began to analyze the situations that triggered these emotions in me. I realized that it happens when I get shot down, criticized, or simply rejected. It makes me feel that I am losing control.

It is not about the people around me. Their words or actions that caused me to be upset are just a byproduct of the emotional trigger. I was curious to find out what was driving these triggers. At that time, I chanced upon a book by Dr. John Townsend titled "Hiding from Love: How to Change the withdrawal patterns that Isolate and imprison you" The book explores the hiding patterns people develop as a child to protect themselves in a threatening environment.

I realized I was choosing to isolate myself instead of facing my fears. As I read the book, I began to retrace my steps to something that happened when I was about 5 or 6. I couldn't recall the exact memory. I have a vague memory of an elderly man, that I will pass by on my way home. On one occasion, I remembered coming home and hiding under a table. I have no idea what happened but suffice it to say that it must have been painful or traumatic for me to want to hide.

That was the breakthrough moment for me. I began to understand my emotional triggers and take ownership of them. I chose to let go of the things that hurt me. I told myself that while certain actions in the past could have hurt me, they don't hurt me anymore.

Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I will retreat and give myself space. By doing that, it gives me the clarity to take a step back and re-evaluate the things around me. Doing this allows me to get back to my daily affairs with more clarity and less distraction. It is still an ongoing struggle but I know I have won half the battle.