Breaking down the walls

Before a breakthrough happens, you find yourself getting uncomfortable. Change is never easy for people, but you reap the rewards when you push through. At the beginning of 2023, I decided to break down the walls that were holding me back.

As a child, I remembered always being bubbly and chatty. I have never been self-conscious about saying the wrong things at the wrong time. But during my abusive relationship, I remembered that part of me got diminished in more than one way. There were so many times I kept hearing "You are not good enough", "You are hopeless" or "You can't do anything right."

There was a point those words got louder and drowned out everything else. The effects of that damage were not seen immediately but it did resurface years later. There was just one point in time, I was not able to do it anymore. I had completely lost my "voice" for lack of a better word.

I lost all my confidence, and I decided to take a sabbatical for myself.

I wasn't alone in my journey. A few close friends were there to support me as I pushed myself each day to overcome the negative voices. I realized that each time someone's voice increased, mine decreased. It doesn't mean that they were right or I was wrong, I just felt fearful of speaking out.

It took me a while to get to where I am now. But I realized that those words spoken over me do not define me. I choose to identify with who I am. I have the authority to change my narrative. It is not easy because there are days when the voices around you loom larger than your inner voice.

But I choose to grow in the confidence that my past does not determine my future. I choose to enter the battleground of my challenges and keep moving ahead despite the fears. I have not arrived there yet. But I am proud to say that I am slowly regaining the voice and the identity that I have lost.