Be Free From Approval Addiction
I posted an article earlier on what defines beauty and the extreme measures people take to conform to society’s standards. One of the reasons why we do so is to gain approval from the people around us. Even when beauty fads change, some things remain the same. Women try to have flawless skins and try their best to look like they have not eaten in years. Some of these women (including myself) have bought into these lies that I needed to adapt to be accepted. Conform is a profane word in my dictionary. It rips away all originality in a person. Instead of embracing their uniqueness, people end up becoming imitators. They are satisfied with being replicas of others.
As a teenager, I use to be extremely thin and it felt depressing. People commented that I would look nice if I put on a little more weight. I did gain weight due to my work schedule in later years. The very same people started commenting that I should lose weight. Truth be told, people cannot make up their minds. By allowing them to dictate our decisions, we become frustrated. My advice will be to stop listening to all negative remarks and criticisms. Unless the advice adds any value to you, dismiss it as just noise. I began embracing myself (flaws and all) when I stopped listening to these comments. I can finally look at the mirror without condemning myself. I am proud of my skin color and how I looked. When I changed the thinking on the inside, it reflected on the outside. People started to say I look good, and asked if I have lost weight. They cannot tell the difference so why do we give them the power to control our actions.
When we put our trust in their approvals, we have to constantly work hard to keep up appearances. It is not worth the time and effort. Make the decision that you will be the one to make the call in your life. Don't get me wrong, if you had to lose weight for health purposes, go for it. But it should be done because you wanted it for yourself and not because you felt compelled too. I attended a gathering some time back, where everyone was playing a game of trying to identify a person by matching them to their body parts. The showed pictures of eyes, ears, and other subtle features one would hardly take notice of. Unfortunately for me, they chose a picture of me smiling with a glimpse of my teeth. Not the most flattering part of me, I had to admit. I looked around to see the reaction of the people around me. They were laughing and making fun. The moment I raised my hand to identify myself, the noise died down. It is always easier to make fun of someone without knowing what might have transpired in their lives.
Some people have abnormalities not easily visible. My defect was caused by an accident that nearly ended my life. People's actions can affect the way we think if we are dependent on them for approval. I can imagine how derogatory it could have been for people who might have been very fragile internally. When they get ridiculed, they get embarrassed and attempt to fix their flaws. The result will be frustration and shame. Do yourself a favor. It is not worth it. Live for yourself! I am thankful that the days of trying to please people are behind now. Seeking approval is a silent killer and it becomes addictive the more you get validated. You thrive on hearing other people's opinions. You lose your beliefs, and what you value. In the worst-case scenario, disapproval can be disturbing as it becomes hard to make decisions without having approval.
